SaturdayCartoon's Xanga Blog 1.1 36322319 SaturdayCartoon's Xanga Site saturdaycartoon poprks7coke@Aol.com SaturdayCartoon SaturdayCartoon poprks7coke@Aol.com Explination for previously posted poem SaturdayCartoon Thu, 03 Jun 2010 19:44:22 -04:00 What Was-

First Level Meaning: There is a magical land called Coventry and it is full of turmoil and disorder and selfish people. There is no sense of improvement and not much room for advancement for anyone who comes or lives there, just a good show. It is just a free for all and there is no room for perfection, for the people or the place. Eventually the place dies and it is sent into cold darkness.

Second Level Meaning: Coventry is a real place in Cleveland Heights where I spent most of my summer going into Junior year. After waiting many, many days and nights there I realized that I did not really like the people there at all, I just loved the entertainment. You probably wouldnΓÇÖt know it unless you spent a significant amount of time there but the people who frequent Coventry become a community. There was unnecessary drama; no one listened to the rules, what I once thought was a free, ΓÇ£magicalΓÇ¥ place now to me seems almost a bit frightening. The poem starts in the summer time and ends as the weather changes. The structure gets more and more uncoordinated as the poem goes on to illustrate the disorder. This poem describes the disillusioned feel it gives you if you say too long.

**Pictures attached to illustrate

There is a place called Coventry ΓÇô Parallel structure for the first line of the last stanza, gives a setting

And dragons roam the land- Dragons are the people on Coventry, they can be aggressive, colorful, someone is always smoking or asking for a cigarette, and they blow a lot of hot air.

And jesters sit on cinderblocks ΓÇô Jesters refers specifically as a boy found on Coventry referred to as ΓÇ£Puppet NateΓÇ¥, he carries around puppets and uses them to communicate with people.  Cinderblocks refers to ΓÇ£The StepsΓÇ¥ on Coventry where people hang out and sit around. Jesters also refer to the fact that no one takes anything seriously and cinderblocks illustrates that there is no place to grow.

Animated, Puppeteers- describes the people, laughing and carefree- Puppeteers means that they can make people listen to them and take interest in them, manipulate

 

The land youΓÇÖd tumble across in a warm sunlight dream- Warm sunlight dream- in the summer, no real worries and the whole place seems bizarre, like in a dream

Murals sprawled across the cracks like a Pollock on shattering glass- The murals refer to the side walk chalk art that appear on the sidewalk and the walls drawn by the people who hang out at Coventry. The cracks are the cracks on the sidewalk, this is foreshadowing because sidewalks crack in Cleveland because of all the snow that melts and freezes and breaks up the cement, the poem ends as winter begins. They are like Pollock paintings because they are colorful and it describes the disorder.

 Queens and Knights in tinfoil Crowns- The Queens and Knights are the boys and girls, or ΓÇ£Coventry KidsΓÇ¥ there that unofficially run the show on Coventry. Even the store employees understand that it is better to go with what they say instead of fighting them about it. For example Jimmy Johns, they make subs but most of the people who go in there just to use the bathroom and the employees never say anything about it because it is not worth the argument. The tinfoil crowns directly refer to the fact that Chipotle gives away free burritos to people who wear tinfoil costumes on Halloween.

KingΓÇÖs men hold no merit so dragons run rampant- The KingΓÇÖs men refer to the police men who ΓÇ£patrolΓÇ¥ Coventry, honestly IΓÇÖve never seen them do anything relevant or to better benefit anyone. It is also a reference to Humpty Dumpty when ΓÇ£the KingΓÇÖs men couldnΓÇÖt put Humpty back together again.ΓÇ¥

Be wary of the innocence, it does not fester here- It seems, from my own observation, that most of the people who come to Coventry have serious family problems and unstable metal states. They run away from innocence in a way by trying to grow up too fast ΓÇô i.e. the way they dress, act, participate in certain activities, I used the word fester because it depicts something disgusting or annoying ΓÇô how they perceive innocence

 

Freedom   Yes    Logic   no- because here they are on their own they have freedom but they donΓÇÖt use any sort of commonsense which leads to more conflict within themselves and between others.

All laughs- all of them.- Everyone laughs and has a good time pretending that nothing is wrong- mentality= if everyone participates then nothing can go wrong and everything can be okay

All sun. All of it.- Along with the fact that no one goes to Coventry when it is raining it also refers to summer and the bright blinding disillusionment that everything is theirs and noting can go wrong.

Selfish- Maybe.- This refers to the slight epiphany that some of the Coventry ΓÇ£citizensΓÇ¥ have had- they are selfish and nothing can be perfect and free and revolve around them constantly ΓÇô for most this is fleeting

They hold no, see no, feel no Gatsby Green light,- The ΓÇ£Gatsby Green lightΓÇ¥ symbolizes devotion and love toward something, a goal- there is no evidence of this in these people- living life in the moment with no sense of direction

Unless unto themselves- Again referring to the selfish motif, only looking out for themselves

A lobotomy of their conscious ΓÇô A lobotomy was a technique used to correct someoneΓÇÖs mental state by cutting one of the hormone glands, I used it to describe their conscious because the more time they spend here the less and less moral they haven and the idea of doing the ΓÇ£right thingΓÇ¥ becomes twisted.

 

If youΓÇÖd noticed before your arrival- Come to some sort of revelation as to whom you are as a person

You wouldnΓÇÖt know it now- you lose your sense of self and identity in a way

Your inner mirror, your outer shell- Inner mirror- your soul/priorities, outer shell- physically what you look like as a person- refers back to trying to dress older, being colorful (dragons)

Not untouchable monuments but insignificant counterfeits- Who you were before you became a ΓÇ£
Coventry kidΓÇ¥ ΓÇô an ΓÇ£untouchable monumentΓÇ¥ disappears and become ΓÇ£insignificantΓÇ¥ and fake

Invisible flimsy veneers ΓÇô Invisible veneers is an oxymoron because veneers are meant to cover something up, flimsy implies that something is not strong enough to last- easily impressionable and changeable

*This is the pivotal point because it is when the reader becomes one of the Queens or Knights, a ΓÇ£Coventry KidΓÇ¥

 

There was a place called Coventry- Everything that made the Coventry ΓÇ£insaneΓÇ¥ and disordered has left and disappeared

Was he or her or there or then It does not matter now- Who you were and what ever power or authority you had there at any point is insignificant because everything that you were ΓÇ£in charge ofΓÇ¥ is gone, there is no one left to listen to you

it soon disappeared, like a cold jolt from dream- it came and went very quickly ΓÇô summer is short ΓÇô cold means winter is coming- feeling of confusion/disillusionment when you wake up from a dream

One night the moon forgot to fall,- The days get shorter and nights get longer as the seasons change, feeling of darkness because the familiarity that you had all summer is gone

The air began to frost- things get colder and the excitement that you had because of this place begins to fade away

 

]]> 2010-06-03 19:43:43 2010-06-03 23:43:43 open Publish post 728166380 What Was. A Poem for english class about coventry, SaturdayCartoon Thu, 03 Jun 2010 16:53:33 -04:00 What Was-

There is a place called Coventry

And dragons roam the land

And jesters sit on cinderblocks

Animated, Puppeteers

 

The land youΓÇÖd tumble across in a warm sunlight dream

Murals sprawled across the cracks like a Pollock on shattering glass

 Queens in tinfoil Crowns

Her men hold no merit so dragons run rampant

Be wary of the innocence, it does not fester here

 

Freedom   Yes    Logic   no

All laughs- all of them. 

All sun. All of it.

Selfish- Maybe.

They hold no, see no, feel no Gatsby Green light,

Unless unto themselves

A lobotomy of their minds

 

If youΓÇÖd noticed before your arrival

You wouldnΓÇÖt know it now

Your inner mirror, your outer shell

Not untouchable monuments but insignificant counterfeits

Invisible flimsy veneers

 

There was a place called Coventry

Was he or her or there or then It does not matter now

it soon disappeared, like a jolt from dream

One night the moon forgot to fall,

The air began to frost

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2010-06-03 16:51:35 2010-06-03 20:51:35 open Publish post 728162735
if it's not real you can't hold it in your hand SaturdayCartoon Tue, 04 May 2010 18:29:16 -04:00

 

Eighth Grade
Freshman year
Sophomore Year
Junior Year
 
don't tell me nothings changed.
don't tell me it's my fault.
I don't even know you,
and you don't even want to know me.
 
 
 
ON A LIGHTER NOTE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARL! I LOVE YOU!!! IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE =]
]]> 2010-05-04 18:23:13 2010-05-04 22:23:13 open Publish post 726578562 They go GaGa! SaturdayCartoon Sun, 14 Mar 2010 10:53:00 -04:00

I taught myself how to sing by listening to Infinity on high and trying to copy patrick stumphs voice. I guess singings the only thing i ever had confidence in myself that i could actually do.

I'm Happy.

 

Ervr Clesr

IΓÇÖll stay Everclear so when I promised youΓÇÖd IΓÇÖd always be there

IΓÇÖll be looking at you with Firewater eyes

You can take that for what you will

And I know they always will

 

And look at me, talking about myself again

IΓÇÖll stay speechless, Absoluty IΓÇÖll think

I love you to myself all night

Honey, I loved you, I love you

 

Because when everythingΓÇÖs empty

And Baileys in the bathroom an StellaΓÇÖs on the floor

Jack will have you by the throat and weΓÇÖll all be fighting for the door

Still, when itΓÇÖs over thereΓÇÖs still kids sleeping in cars

 

And look at me, talking about myself again

IΓÇÖll stay speechless, Absoluty IΓÇÖll think

I love you to myself all night

Honey, I loved you, I love you

 

Dos, Vox, Shiraz, La La La

Dos, Vox, Shiraz, La La La

 

And youΓÇÖre a knock out, or maybe thatΓÇÖs my fault

I donΓÇÖt know, if my head comes back to my shoulders

IΓÇÖll take you home

 

 

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2010-03-14 10:50:40 2010-03-14 14:50:40 open Publish post 723523333
terrified. SaturdayCartoon Sun, 07 Mar 2010 17:48:59 -05:00 i saw him dead in a casket

i woke up crying

sobbing

i have to stop doing this

I have to save him

i can't give up

it could have been him

and i wouldnt have talked to him

in 3 weeks.

wristcutters Pictures, Images and Photos

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2010-03-07 17:48:19 2010-03-07 22:48:19 open Publish post 723140565
SaturdayCartoon Sat, 27 Feb 2010 18:59:15 -05:00 in lue of recent events, ive decided to be catholic again, im giving up sex for lent

lol why?

i found jesus

i don't believe you lol

dont. im still not really catholic im just really bored. i mean if i were to give something up, it would be soemthing more reasonable. we should start using condoms tho, im sick of getting worried at the end of every month

we should also look into birth control

thats another option... im thinking this is a sooner rather than later thing too

for sure. remind me to call planned parenthood on monday

ok

 

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2010-02-27 18:58:35 2010-02-27 23:58:35 open Private post 722659161
Inspired.... SaturdayCartoon Sat, 27 Feb 2010 16:12:45 -05:00 I have my book.

100 people- What do you want to do before you die?

help them do it and share their storys.

Anyone wanna help?

photography Pictures, Images and Photos

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2010-02-27 16:12:05 2010-02-27 21:12:05 open Publish post 722655455
You're a Hot Mess and I'm falling for you SaturdayCartoon Sun, 21 Feb 2010 13:53:54 -05:00  I'm getting really really reallly bored with mason.

He's getting really really like... responsible, and i mean that kind of a good thing but he act like my parent sometimes. Its like I can take care of myself I've been doing it for awhile, even though I am a complete mess and I cant tell which way is up.

And we do the same thing alllll the time. Like he asks me to do something and i know exactly how the rest of my day is going to go. And i see him everryyyy dayyyyyy.

And i don't know how to say, "Mason you're boring me"

And see i like hanging out with vince and karl because I never really know whats going to happen. and i love that!

I cant fucking stand doing the same thing all of the time this actually might be a deal breaker in the long run. I love him but, god i just hate being in relationships! This is why! Theres toooo many... emotions involved.

I'm a mess.

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

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2010-02-21 13:45:09 2010-02-21 18:45:09 open Publish post 722292918 mess
In the arms of all im keeping here with me SaturdayCartoon Sat, 20 Feb 2010 10:23:46 -05:00 "Ballon Art Pictures, Images and Photos

 

Zac: Mint cafe with Maria, then Shutter Island! :)

Yesterday at 9:31pm via Facebook for Android

thats weird.... he was supposed to be with me last night. It's ok tho.

Its starting to wear on me that the ones I'm closest too are slowly letting me down and leaving me alone.

Mason can rest assured that I'm not going anywhere.

I know how Vince feels tho, thats why i can't completely shrug him off.

Its like your heart jumped out of your chest and you completely bleed out because you were in shock that it happened and now you're empty and all it ever feels like is being in a living coma. When other people are around you can float above it for awhile but when youre alone it feels like all you can do is lay there empty while you can hear the murmur of your heart in the corner but you cant possibly fathom putting it back because you're already and why would you want your heart to feel the same?

My mother and I aren't friends anymore. I can't respect her. I can't even try. No one ever has right to treat their children like this ever.

Mason is the worst advice giver. And he gets fucking jealous and it pisses me off. He was so pissed that i was over at Vince's last night, he was like do me a favor and dont get drunk there, i know what youre like when youre drunk. He said some more shit that really hurt that he would even think that i would do something like that to him.

Mason Fuck-Up counter:

Minor: // Major: /

I feel I'm being very lenient.

My bathroom looks like i killed someone bc theres still goopy red paint  everywhere... i have to go clean that up.

"What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all around the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me

What a curious life
We have found here tonight
There is music that sounds from the street
There are lights in the clouds
Anna's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees

Now, how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through your mouth
To make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
And now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winter clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all around the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe
How strange it is to be anything at all"

 

"A bright spot on a horizon that had never looked darker"

-Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire

(yea i know I'm a dork that i can quote obsolete Harry Potter quotes from memory)

girlflowers.jpg Pictures, Images and Photos

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2010-02-20 10:11:44 2010-02-20 15:11:44 open Publish post 722220554 life
After all, you're my wonderwall SaturdayCartoon Sun, 31 Jan 2010 13:54:38 -05:00 He wins. Infinetly over anyone else I've ever loved. Seriously, this boy has completely fucked up everything I thought I knew about myself and how i feel towards people. How I feel about myself. I'm not going to go on and on with mushy stuff but i dont know. He loves me.

I would also like to say how awful bandstand was yesterday.

That was the worst excuse of a green day song ive ever even fathom being preformed.

I'm trying out next year....

 

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2010-01-31 13:53:57 2010-01-31 18:53:57 open Publish post 721096858
My attempts at not fucking this quarter up: SaturdayCartoon Wed, 20 Jan 2010 18:49:20 -05:00 This is the result of 2 hours of me writing a 10 point paper. If I'm actually going to bother doing something, its going to be right.

Typical Happenings of the Semester Last

At seven in the morning, leaning more toward seven-twenty on most days, I hurtle into consciousness from my dreams. I drag my sluggish body from my tangle of sheets to the fish bowl miles away from my comforting bed. I peer into the chemically de-chlorinated tap water to assure myself that all is well with my gold finned friend, creatively referred to as, Fish.  I listlessly pinch a bit of Tetra TetraMin Tropical Flakes, and sprinkle it onto the surface of the orange tinted water. As my fishy, bowl confined companion darts to the flakes that float above him my eyes graze the floor of my bedroom searching for the skirt, polo, tights, and other various clothing articles need for my day that had been ruthlessly abandon in heaps the day before. Once I have revived my clothing from its otherwise hopeless future on the disaster zone that is my bed room floor, I heave my bag of books onto my back and trek down the stairs to the box of Captain Crunch that will hopefully be waiting for me.

After a nutritious, filling breakfast, or on most days, lack thereof, I bravely make my way down icy steps, mother and sister in tow, to the ice box that is our car. After approximately seven chilling minuets, I arrive at Beaumont school. Assuming that my sister remembered her key card, for I do believe that my memory has failed to remind me to bring it once this year, I go through the glass doors and proceed to my locker at the end of the hallway. I twist my combination into the plastic knob that keeps my beloved books safe and quickly brace myself for the waterfall of note books, boxes of sorts and papers that have long since lost their value that will surely be waiting to explode on me when I swing open the thin metal door. After battling my way through my locker and retrieving my books for my first block class, I wait patiently for my friend, Julia, whose locker appears to be as misbehaved as mine. Once we are prepared for the day ahead we venture on to class.

The day goes by embedded with much smiling and laughing and of course strenuous learning activities aimed toward the broadening our minds and the packing of information into our minds to be summoned in our futures in trying situations. At three oΓÇÖclock, on the dot, give or take a few minutes, a vivacious song floods through the speakers, resonating off the glass and brick walls and into my head where it lodges itΓÇÖs self for the next few days. After packing my things needed to complete my tasks assigned my various teachers, I spend another twenty minutes making my way through the hallway stopping to talk to a few friends, still at their lockers, scattered down the way.

Through one mean or another, I find myself at home. The following hours will most likely be spent by enjoying the company of my beau or otherwise flittered away on the computer checking updates or other trivial things posted by my friends on social networks or perhaps by burying myself in a book or a stimulating episode of Law and Order, as I await the call for dinner time. After an always peaceful and cherished experience of devouring the scrumptious dinner prepared in result of synergic effort displayed by my loving parents, I plunge into the looming tower of homework that surely, secretly plots to take me down one day.

Once I successfully, eliminate all of the work assigned, I proceed to shower, or in the case of extreme fatigue, fall onto my bed, phone in hand. Around ten my friend Zac gives me a ring and gives me updates on his life and other exciting facts heΓÇÖs happened upon over the course of his day, and I do the same. We usually talk for hours about the world and the insanity in it, muse about impossible and improbable ideas until sleep claims us before the next day comes and the cycle starts again.

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2010-01-20 18:48:40 2010-01-20 23:48:40 open Publish post 720450858 bridgetbridgetbridget
brid
get

i like this. =]

i wanna see you! i miss you guys.

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1 2010-01-22 23:28:00 2010-01-23 04:28:00 curtainrods4batman bounce@xanga.com http://curtainrods4batman.xanga.com/ 0 34005579 0 1507463844
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? SaturdayCartoon Fri, 15 Jan 2010 13:16:28 -05:00 Hmm what do i have to say?

I want to loose 20-30 pounds.

I got some new clothes shopping with Katie yesterday, i actually had fun! She helped me find a bra, she was right about my bra size too, I'm a D now. Jesus christ, they just keep growing!

Sooo this weekend, I'm going to a sci-fi movie marathon at case with Mason and Luke and Gabe.

god help me. but on the plus side, I get out of the house for the entire weekend! I guess i'll just embrace my inner nerd.

Friday

 8:00pm   Terminator Salvation  (2009)10:15pm   Moon  (2009)

Saturday

12:00am   The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy  (2005) 
2:00am   SURPRISE I 
3:30am   First Spaceship on Venus  (1962) 
5:15am   Independence Day  (1996)
 8:00am   Moonraker  (1979)
10:15am   Close Encounters of the Third Kind  
(1977)12:45pm   The Adventures of Baron Munchausen  
(1988) 2:45pm   Short Circuit  
(1986) 4:30pm   SURPRISE II 
6:15pm   The Phantom Planet  (1961) 
7:45pm   The Fifth Element  (1997)
10:00pm   The City of Lost Children  (1995)

Sunday

12:00am   SURPRISE III 2:00am   District 9  (2009)
http://films.cwru.edu/sfmarathon35/

I've decided to stop fighting with my parents. It is completely useless and they don't listen to me its just pointless. I'm going to do infinetly better next quarter. I have to, I don't have a choice.

my phone's a piece of shit too. I didn't get a bunch of messages that were sent last night until this morning. I'm so sick of my stuff being crap...

any way feel free to text me this weekend! Love you all!

ohhhh sci fi marathons.... whats the most out there thing you've gone to with a significant other?

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2010-01-15 13:13:31 2010-01-15 18:13:31 open Publish post 720141614 love movies phone shopping i love like 90% of those movies XD

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1 2010-01-15 20:19:00 2010-01-16 01:19:00 curtainrods4batman bounce@xanga.com http://curtainrods4batman.xanga.com/ 0 34005579 0 1507066881
its all a blur, like they could have morphed them all into one movie it was crazy. id actually seen most of them, haha some i did not need to see a second time but alot of them were pretty funny to make fun of that made them better.

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1 2010-01-19 16:09:00 2010-01-19 21:09:00 SaturdayCartoon bounce@xanga.com http://saturdaycartoon.xanga.com/ 0 36322319 0 1507283158
But for now..... SaturdayCartoon Tue, 05 Jan 2010 19:33:59 -05:00 I have a HALARIOUS story!

ok so this girl got pretty smashed on Saturday night and she came home to find her beloved fish floating at the top of the bowl. She was beside her self sobbing and reaching out to friends for condolance but alas she was unconsolable. In a fit of tears she threw a blanket over the fishes bowl, sick of the sight of her finned friends cold and unmoving. Three days later, after she had sobered up and gotten her witts about her, she decided it was time to dispose of the fish, and send it off properly. She wrote down a few thought

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2010-01-05 19:33:21 2010-01-06 00:33:21 open Private post 719578513
Theres alot of things i need to catch you all up on... SaturdayCartoon Tue, 05 Jan 2010 19:21:17 -05:00 LIKE.....

 

fish NOT dying.

my book

Korea, Republic of libwww(turn off RSS)

all these young people dying

my dear being homeless

Josh is a dick. Not a fan.

gotta stay positive.

stay tuned.

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2010-01-05 19:20:38 2010-01-06 00:20:38 open Publish post 719578221 At least im not the only one.

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1 2010-01-07 21:07:00 2010-01-08 02:07:00 ChristainGothicLady bounce@xanga.com http://christaingothiclady.xanga.com/ 0 5711712 0 1506617272
Seventeen candles are burning bright tonight SaturdayCartoon Tue, 22 Dec 2009 13:31:06 -05:00  

 Holga GCFN Pictures, Images and Photos

I think I know what I want to do with my life.

holga Pictures, Images and Photos

Seventeen candles are burning bright tonight
But I've a feeling
That she believes she's a bit old for cake and gifts and party favors
Emily, everyone told her, it don't get much better
Which only upset her, could this be as good as it gets?

Just as bad as a half stack
Of vodka tonic bottled up in her backpack
She's badder than Big Heavy Janes
She tunes it all out but the fact remains
That all we do is talk about the future
Like there's someway to control it
Why not just enjoy the ride

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2009-12-22 13:30:26 2009-12-22 18:30:26 open Publish post 718725174 birthday camera i really loved the lyrics you put at the bottom. (or maybe you wrote them yourself? not sure)

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1 2009-12-22 16:26:00 2009-12-22 21:26:00 honeytar bounce@xanga.com http://honeytar.xanga.com/ 0 36404077 0 1505658669
nope it's the Pink Spiders, they'r pretty kick ass

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1 2009-12-23 22:22:00 2009-12-24 03:22:00 SaturdayCartoon bounce@xanga.com http://saturdaycartoon.xanga.com/ 0 36322319 0 1505727932
Analog Rebellion<check em' out SaturdayCartoon Sun, 13 Dec 2009 20:12:19 -05:00 You were a few of my favorite things

I'm not asleep, and I haven't departed

I'm just learning that I'm broken hearted

and it is what it is and it's not as bad as I thought it would be

I'd be better if you'd just let me go

 

I never expected you to come back like this

For me to wake up and realize that I was never missed

But I digress. Surely, this must be progress

My lungs deflated but, dear God, I won't let it show

 

I'm not afraid, and I have wandered back home

I got lost, but no I never looked back

And I am who I am and I'm not as bad off as I thought I'd be

I've been better but I wont let it show

 

I never expected you to come back like this

For me to wake up and realize that I was never missed

But I digress. Surely, this must be progress

My lungs deflated but, dear God, I won't let it show

 

Now you know. I loved you and I let you go

 

I never expected you to come back like this

For me to wake up and realize that I was never missed

But I digress. Surely, this must be progress

My lungs deflated but, dear God, I won't let it show

 

Dear God, I won't let it show.

 

Oliver The Indie Kid.

Dear Oliver, would you like some company

I saw you here the other day. You always look so at home

With you coffe and your books thick as stone

Rotting roses leave the kids all depressed

 

It's a coffe shop sound track

Labtop clicks and talk about politics

Latte calls and thrift stores, outlettes

Oliver, you always seem so at home

 

Does it bother you if theres is nothing new?

I see you here everyday, dont you long for some variety?

Oliver, you always look so damn cool

I'd be the mary-jane to your Spiderman

Sitting, listening to indie bands

 

It's a coffe shop sound track

Labtop clicks and talk about politics

Latte calls and thrift stores, outlettes

Oliver, you always seem so at home

 

Dear Oliver, I hope you get this. In pale blue crayon on a recycled napkin. My attempt at a simple invitation.

Love forever in vintage,

Cathrine

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2009-12-13 20:00:23 2009-12-14 01:00:23 open Publish post 718223866
Crazy. SaturdayCartoon Mon, 07 Dec 2009 21:09:32 -05:00  song lyric Pictures, Images and Photos

song lyric Pictures, Images and Photos

HELP.

I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON.

IM TERRIFIED OF MYSELF AND WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF.

im not dependant on him, he just seems to care alot more than any of you do. and i need that now. it hurts.

everything hurts all the time.

I cry. all the time.

what happened to me?

i dont cry. i hate people who cry. i hate who i'm becoming

i'm trying to try but i have a panic attack every time I do.

I have no one to talk to and i feel completely alone all the time. I feel completely helpless.

I'm surrounded by all of these people who just want to use me to go to parties and know who i know.

song lyric Pictures, Images and Photos

i don't need that, but i need people around me, so i put up with you for the next year and a half, and after that, i hope i wont need you. See you at reunions and reminise about stupid shit from math class and listen to you talk about people i love like they're crazy. while you secretly mock me and think i don't care because I'm just me and I'm different and it doesn't matter.

And the one i really care about, I'm afaid to get to close to because I always push them away.

 

Always so self destructive.

All Time Low lyrics Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm no good.

I'm not even good at being bad

because i want too much from myself to let myslef fail

so i try      and fail

and fall harder, further.

I'm stuck and  I won't let you help me because I won't let you know.  

shattered Pictures, Images and Photos

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2009-12-07 21:08:52 2009-12-08 02:08:52 open Publish post 717870972 is that really how you think of me?

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1 2009-12-08 11:50:00 2009-12-08 16:50:00 curtainrods4batman bounce@xanga.com http://curtainrods4batman.xanga.com/ 0 34005579 0 1504888360
no! honey i wasnt refering to you or abbey

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1 2009-12-13 00:50:00 2009-12-13 05:50:00 SaturdayCartoon bounce@xanga.com http://saturdaycartoon.xanga.com/ 0 36322319 0 1505139879
I wrote these songs for you SaturdayCartoon Tue, 01 Dec 2009 21:04:48 -05:00 i have so much i want to say

about my life and yesterday

im so fucking tired and i cant go to sleep

He's more amazing than i thought he could be

photography Pictures, Images and Photos

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2009-12-01 21:04:08 2009-12-02 02:04:08 open Publish post 717519640
Tonight SaturdayCartoon Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:47:08 -05:00 it's gonna be what its gonna be. If i throw up Ill cry.

Weird I'm usually fine with throwing up.

 

I can mingle with the stars, and throw a party on Mars I am a prisoner, locked up behind Xanax bars I have just boarded a plane, without a pilot And violets are blue, roses are red Daisies are yellow, the flowers are dead Wish I can give you this feeling

I dont even care about my self anymore. I just want to do better in school. Sick of feeling like a failure. like i've fucked up everything and that none of my friends can pick me up. And i cant help myself anymore.

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2009-11-21 14:46:28 2009-11-21 19:46:28 open Publish post 716919470 lil wayne
who could belive we never could SaturdayCartoon Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:27:56 -05:00 b205371274 ROMANTICjklkl.jpg picture in Love and Romance1577256237.jpg 09-05-31 image by puddingnoeat

P1050143.jpg picture in Best Black & White Photography

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2009-11-19 17:27:16 2009-11-19 22:27:16 open Publish post 716811248
Uuuummm what? SaturdayCartoon Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:50:24 -05:00  
Mason is in a relationship with Bridget Roddy. ┬╖ ┬╖
Mason Adkins
Mason Adkins
What the hell is this craaaap..?
Yesterday at 10:18pm
Dana DiTirro
Dana DiTirro
your relationship status...
Yesterday at 10:32pm
Abbey Clough
Abbey Clough
it only took three months for you two assholes to figure this out
Yesterday at 10:36pm
Eve Bedwell
Eve Bedwell
This is such a lie. Mason don't play like this.
14 hours ago
Mario Lloyd
Mario Lloyd
Well I'm not sure how but I know this is gonna some way end in disaster
13 hours ago
 
 
gahhhhhh i dont like it...
ummmm well i mean adnfanveanglkgj grr.
hahahahahah what angry comments on someones relationship status...
]]> 2009-11-18 15:50:16 2009-11-18 20:50:16 open Private post 716751818 SaturdayCartoon Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:17:49 -05:00 You're loud

and you scream and you laugh in hopes it will cover up

the screaming inside

And you look back every so often in hopes to find some helping hands

that let you inside

 

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2009-11-17 20:17:09 2009-11-18 01:17:09 open Private post 716698413
Howdy Hey Campers! SaturdayCartoon Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:09:15 -05:00 watercolor wallpaper Pictures, Images and Photos" This is quick

not a whole lot to say.

Being friends with Alique is weird but I like it. Don't trust her tho. Never Will. Love her but I can't trust her.

I'm that way with alot of people and it seems to work pretty well.

watercolor Pictures, Images and Photosmy brain like rewired its self. I dont see everything in pastels and bright colors anymore. My thoughts are all just kinds... dull....

I feel like I'm really mature. Like when all this dramma starts going on at school i feel like im just a mom sitting there listening to it all.

IS IT MY BIRTHDAY YETT?!?!!???!

its opening night I'm excited=] this weekends going to be good no matter what happens!

i had something else i was going to write about but I completely forgot it all....

watercolor Pictures, Images and Photos

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2009-11-12 16:08:34 2009-11-12 21:08:34 open Publish post 716387909
Like mother Like Daughter SaturdayCartoon Sat, 31 Oct 2009 13:20:12 -04:00  mom < Thats my mom...

me< Thats me....

I don't know. Aside from the obvious, I don't know if becoming my mom is a completely terrible thing...

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2009-10-28 17:03:20 2009-10-28 21:03:20 open Private post 715431363 ur becoming no1 but yourself

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1 2009-10-29 15:54:00 2009-10-29 19:54:00 selfexpressionis6strings bounce@xanga.com http://selfexpressionis6strings.xanga.com/ 0 35243200 0 1502448939
Thanks mom! Idc what Katie says, ur the best!!

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1 2009-10-29 17:37:00 2009-10-29 21:37:00 SaturdayCartoon bounce@xanga.com http://saturdaycartoon.xanga.com/ 0 36322319 0 1502452026
You know you're pretty fly, For a white guy! SaturdayCartoon Sat, 07 Nov 2009 20:36:08 -05:00

 

 If I love you with all I have now

Maybe it won't hurt as much

When I can't love you later.

If I don't stop thinking about you now

Maybe I'll have thought you out

And I wont have to worry later.

If I hold on for dear life, I'll let you go faster

If I give you everything, I'll have nothing to loose

But if I let you know, I don't think I'll ever get out

so I don't see how letting you in leaves me an out

But maybe in all of this, I may have found what I was looking for

What I was missing all the time

kiss Pictures, Images and Photos

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2009-10-26 22:13:46 2009-10-27 02:13:46 open Publish post 715307591
I'm going to break my fucking heart again SaturdayCartoon Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:24:46 -04:00 You're probably sick of hearing about him, I'm kind of sick of talking about him. Thinking about him.

I'm pissed. at myself really. Not really for anything i've done but just becasue of the way I am.

I couldn't stop thinking about him all weekend. This is the point in the relationship where I freak out because I know I'm falling for him. I can feel it and it's scaring me. alot.

If I don't break it off soon it's going to kill. Maybe not as bad as Zac maybe worse I don't know. But I know that he can hurt me now.

He makes me feel used sometimes. I mean... i don't know. He really is a nice guy. I just.. i dont know. I don't think he is, most of the time, but sometimes I really do.

Maybe I'm just making excuses for him but I think he just doesn't know how to show it.

He texts me all the time but talks to me like I'm one of his friends. And he never calls. But that's just not his personality you know?  I mean when I'm around him he makes it obvious that he likes me, that he cares about me and that its not all about sex.

He doesn't always refer to me as his girlfriend to his other friends. sometimes i'm just his "...friend" and that hurts and is slightly humiliating and i fucking hate it. And I know that this sounds kind of really stupid but it does fucking bother me that we aren't facebook official. I would feel worlds better if his profile said he was in a relationship with me and not single. It hurts more seeing that it says single than not being refered to as his girlfriend.

I know everyone makes fun of me for going out with him and he wasn't perfect but Pat was seriously the best boyfriend I've ever had.

Ugh! I just wish I could talk to him like I could talk to Zac. I mean he was a cheating stoner but I could tell him anything and trust him with everything.

Mikey's leaving for the airforce next tuesday. The party on Halloween is for him. I know thats random but i just thought I'd throw it out there.

I guess....  fuck if i know. I wish i was actually talking to someone and not a computer...

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2009-10-26 21:24:06 2009-10-27 01:24:06 open Publish post 715305948
Visual Re-Cap of the Good Old Days SaturdayCartoon Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:52:35 -04:00  

 

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2009-10-22 17:55:55 2009-10-22 21:55:55 open Publish post 715042047
Used. SaturdayCartoon Wed, 21 Oct 2009 22:52:14 -04:00 I feel used.

I am really depressed. I've decided to bottle it up and not tell anyone whats wrong. I'll keep it inside and drive myself mad and everyone else will be happy.

BLURRRR Pictures, Images and Photos

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2009-10-21 22:51:15 2009-10-22 02:51:15 open Publish post 714985507
Beautiful. SaturdayCartoon Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:02:30 -04:00 love pictures Pictures, Images and PhotosYou're beautiful in honesty

Dressed to impress anyone who could love you

It hurts to hear, the things they say

You know.

Its harder          to hear

from the ones who could love you

If they only knew you, but not how you know

If they saw you how I see you

You're beautiful. In honesty.

 

(wow. well... I like it. too bad i wrote it about a girl....)

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2009-10-20 21:01:50 2009-10-21 01:01:50 open Publish post 714917618
Oh you!... SaturdayCartoon Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:19:23 -04:00   RAWR Pictures, Images and Photos

So. I don't know why I like you. No idea. I... I don't know. You don't know either. I see a problem here.

I go through this stage in every relationship I'm in. I battle with myself for like a week over if I like him or not. I usually just say fuck it I'll stay with him until i decide that I can't be in a relationship anymore. I know i like him, i mean i think I do. I just don't know why.

I like that he likes me.

I like when he holds me.

I like how loyal he is to his friends.

He's funny.

He smiles when he kisses me.

He makes me smile.

I like that he text's me all the time and I know he's thinking about me.

He's honest.

I trust him.

He's diffrent than the person he gives off.

So... i guess I do know why i like him.

I could say why i don't like him, because trust me, that list exists too. But i don't want to think about that.

Also, i don't want to be single again. I was single for a really long time because I broke my heart. I'm afraid I'll do it again. I can't handle that right now. moving pictures love hand Pictures, Images and Photos

I really hate how my mom constantly compares him to my sister's boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a freak of nature. Real people are not like that. TV shows are like that, movies are like that. But she's pretty perfect herself and they do go well together. I guess me and mason go pretty well together. We're alike. I just... i dont know... Sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend that sent me flowers and had some cheesy picture of the two of us as his profile picture and said cute things to me all the time. One who would fight with me and come back and say he loves me. I would probably complain about it and act weird about it but I'd love it. I just don't think a guy like that would ever like me. Not that theres anything wrong with my current boyfriend. He's just... you know... not that guy...

I wish I wasn't going away this weekend. I wish it was like next month. I'm gonna go draw pictures. Maybe I'll post one if it's good enough.

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2009-10-19 18:18:43 2009-10-19 22:18:43 open Publish post 714848900
"Toe Stuff" SaturdayCartoon Sun, 18 Oct 2009 13:59:22 -04:00 Wow I haven't written in 4 days. Nothin much had been happening.

I know I'll complain about it later but I really want it to start snowing!

I hate the fact that It's (nearly) freezing cold and theres no snow!

I want to see Where the Wild Things are SOOOO BAD!

costume Pictures, Images and Photos I can't wait for Halloween. Alex's party on Friday, Mason's on Saturday.

Haha last year my friend Jess dressed up as a playboy bunny and insited she was just a regular bunny.

You know whats completely impractical yet slightly amazing at the same time? Driving around with the top down through Cleveland in October in 34 degres.

I wonder what that point is that you start feeling old on your birthday?

16 feels so young in comparison to how old I will potantially be. 17 dosen't sound much better. 18 sounds old until you realize that you're only 18. 19 sounds young because you're still a teenager. I guess 20 sounds old. It's not but i guess thats the point where most people will really expect you to act like an adult.

 

strange Pictures, Images and Photoswoooow.... Finally! A pillow that hugs back!

Holly's Boyfriend is alllwaayyyss here!!!

hipster Pictures, Images and PhotosOur generation has too many steriotypes.

Mikey and his girlfriend are so cute! That's a bit out of character for me to say but as "manly" as Those guys try to act they would do anything for their girlfriends. They may not be crazy public about it all but they would.

hahahahahaha.

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2009-10-18 13:58:42 2009-10-18 17:58:42 open Publish post 714774170
where we can be alone SaturdayCartoon Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:36:38 -04:00 Seriously, my ups and downs have been worse than Kristie Allie's weight (She's the "Fat Actress" or the lady on the Weight Watcher Commercials).

I don't think anyone understands how badly I want to be normal. How badly I want to be one of those girls everyone hates. It's almost pathetic. It is pathetic. What it comes down to, I think, is that I want to be my sister.

I want to be skinny and beautiful with perfect grades and the perfect boyfriend.

I'm not. I'm the 'different', middle child.  This isn't what i wanted to write about. I'm not sure what i did want to write about tho.

You know what makes me really fucking mad?!:

My fucking mom (who I love, really) uses my fucking bank account full of money that I worked fucking hard for and went through so much shit for and spent it all. Without asking me. Now she can't fucking pay me back the $1000+ she owes me and can't fucking buy groceries on a regular fucking basis but she can go to the bar everyfucking night and charge her tab to her credit card.

Marilyn Monroe Quote. Pictures, Images and Photos

I am so fucking sick of being dysfunctional. I'm sick of people talking about it. Sometimes my friends (who I love, really) don't think that maybe I don't want my fucking personal life talked about at school where any one of those fucking girls can hear. I want to be normal so. badly. but I never have been and never will be.

marilyn monroe quote Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm so sick of being depressed. I wish I could hold it all in. I wish no one knew about the shit that goes down in my life. I wish I could keep my fucking mouth shut. I know its bad, but I want to stop telling my friends whats wrong.

I want Mason to think I'm normal, even tho thats stupid bc his life is just about as fucked up as mine is and I know he understands but I don't want him to see me like this. I don't want to be this basket case. I don't want to be my mother.

 

Marilyn Monroe Quote , Pictures, Images and Photos

I want to be loved so badly.

I want to feel safe.

I want so much out of life that I can't take for myself.

I wish that i didn't fuck myself up.

I wish i was motivated.

He really is a great guy, I don't think he wants anyone to know.

"You're beautiful, from far away,
But we don't even have a place where we can be alone "

Marilyn Monroe had it right...

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2009-10-14 18:35:58 2009-10-14 22:35:58 open Publish post 714519688
I'm Aliveee! SaturdayCartoon Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:12:06 -04:00

 Color Splash Pictures, Images and Photos

I love Halloween. I think it's my favroite holiday. It's only has good memories in my mind. Other holidays, no not so much. But Halloween never fails. Free candy, free pass to look and act like an idiot, and it's all for kids. Your parents are obliged to focus on you on Halloween. I love Halloween.

color splash Pictures, Images and Photos

I could never live in Hudson:

Can i just share this Conversation I had with some 330 number that texted me on accident?

330 -Hello, how have you been. How was your outing on Sunday? Hopefully it went well. have a blessed day.

Me- Sry who is this?

330- Wrong #

(I decided to be friendly. I love responding to people when they text me because they have the wrong number)

Me-oh ok well I had a wonderful sunday. I slept at my boyfriendsthen i went to my grandparents house for my uncles birthday. I hope u had a blessed day as well =]

330- WRONG NO.

330-Sleeping and unwed! God forgive her of her sins.

(To this i had a few responses. My first was to say that I was gay and that the anal was great but then i got kinda pissed and was going to say that she had no right telling me what was wrong and right. But i settled with...)

Me- thank you. and just so you know, i am totally locking that message.

330- I said wrong no. Please do not respond. Thank you

Haha oh Hudson, how ever did you produce Sean?

Next Bit of exciting News!

If you search "Masturbate" on Xanga, I'm the third result. I didn't actually do it, someone left it in my footprints. I'm kind of proud.

Untitled

My ceramics Hot and Heavy is coming along nicely. I think i like it's name more than the actual project.

Theres not much substance to this post. It's just here for your entertainment, like Pink.

Color Splash. Pictures, Images and Photos

*my birthday is in 70 days. I still want a robot.

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2009-10-14 13:50:06 2009-10-14 17:50:06 open Publish post 714512075
I was thinking about you in the shower.... Part 2 SaturdayCartoon Tue, 13 Oct 2009 22:06:40 -04:00  robots Pictures, Images and Photos

It's days like these that make me think i should be on medication. Strike that. It's days like these when that make me consider the medication that I already should be taking.

I don't know if i ever actually said this to anyone, or if it was possibly just a musing in my notebook, but I'm not better like I thought I was. I'm just different.

Anyway I didn't think about anything too profound in the shower. I was kind of out of it. I didnt wash the conditioner out of my hair... I should probably go do that...

Good Night, Travel Well!

robots Pictures, Images and Photos

Yo quiero un robot

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2009-10-13 22:01:06 2009-10-14 02:01:06 open Publish post 714457252
"NO i'm not taking that Trashy Whore Home!" SaturdayCartoon Sun, 11 Oct 2009 10:04:44 -04:00 Josh could not get his fucking hand out of my pants and i couldnt say a god damn thing because Mason was standing right there. But he did apologize. He's a nice guy. Just... very needy. I am a terrible person.

I like mason but i feel like I should be in love with him for the ammount of shit i go through for him.

No one will ever know just how much I do for them.

 

100 random secrets I've found #3
bold if you can relate

1. All my friends know I smoke, apart from my family. In their eyes I don't smoke, don't have sex, don't get completly wasted at friends house's. I don't even think they know me at all.
2. I love to daydream. I daydream every second of my life. My every waking moment is spend daydreaming about things I ever wanted in my life and how things would be different things turns out better than they did.

3. My dad is dead. He was a druggie and an abusive father, but I love him and miss him. If I told my mother and sister they would make fun of me for it. But I really, miss him.
4. I don't want to have sex. But everyone around me seem so ready.  I just don't want to. I want to wait till I'm in love. I'm not religious. I'm just not ready. And I think that's ok.
5. I am unbearably lonely, and my life is pathetic. Every attempt I make to try and reach out to people, every attempt I make to make things better seems to fail so miserably, in ways that are completely out of my control.
6. I try so hard. I say nice things all the time, I compliment people, I try really really hard. Why do I still feel not good enough?
7. Sometimes I go for a couple days without brushing my teeth. It's a habit. And it's terrible.
8. I get depressed after whenever I have a good time. After I have fun, I can't stop crying the next day because I wish I could go back to it.
9. I want to meet someone whose actions speak louder than words.
10. I have had never been in a relationship. My best friend doesn't talk to me anymore. The first person that I've actually had feelings for, I've tainted our relationship before it's even started. I feel empty.
11. Sometimes, I imagine marrying you and carrying our children. But I will never ever tell you this.
12. I wrote down almost all of my secrets, and everything I wanted to tell my friends but I threw it away before I showed anyone. I was too embarrassed to show them.
13. I still suck my thumb. I just kinda never stopped. It relaxes me when I'm stressed out.
14. The only way I can have an orgasm with him is to think about my ex. I want to end it with him, but I know telling him the truth would devastate him.
15. i used to talk to my teddy bears all day because i had no friends, and i liked them better than people
16. Two years later and I'm still just your friend. I love you.
17. I hate websites like Facebook and Myspace. Seeing profiles of my friends give me every reason to believe that their lives are a lot better than mine.
18. I hate being lonely, yet look at it with fondness. I long for the day I can hold somebody close and love them, yet am grateful that I only have myself to worry over.
19. I am consistently lying and ruining all good things that happen to me. I screw up jobs and relationships. I'm a pathetic loser.
20. You do now know how terrible the feeling is when you lose your two best friends. I am heartbroken, so heartbroken, and I need them back.
21. I'm a female & really insecure about my body hair. I know most girls have hair on there stomachs & butts & backs, but i feel so nasty. I'm always afraid someone will make fun of me for it.
22. To make myself feel better after he hits me I try to pretend that I'm in one of those lifetimes movies where I eventually get strong enough to leave and live happily ever after.
23. My friends are better than me, they are better looking, they're thin, they're richer than me.. and all the boys seems to look at my friends but not me.
24. When I go to the university, I always feel a way of anxiety overcoming me at the hall. I then go straight up to the toilet and lock myself in because I feel it is the only room in the whole university where I can chill and no one watches and judges me for being the way I am (that I don't want to be).
25. They always say, live your life to the fullest. I can't. Whenever I want to do something, my parents always disagree and says that I should listen to them to avoid me from getting hurt. Whenever I wanted to explain my side, my father always say that I am selfish and that I do not understand them. That I always think about myself.
26. I'm afraid you'll ask me to marry you and I'll say yes even though I think there's someone else out there for me.
27. when i was in grade school, from grade 2 and up, i was picked on by everyone, i hated school, i cried almost every morning before school for a year.
28. I have no social life and I feel completely alone. I want to have friends and God knows I have been trying to meet people. But it is just so difficult when you're afraid of others criticizing or rejecting you.
29. whenever i make love with my boyfriend i queef everytime, i'm so embarassed!
30. I do stupid things to get attention, like fake an accident or an injury. I feel really bad about it afterwards, but at the same time, the attention is worth it. I wish someone would pay attention without me having to try.
31. I have relationship problems. not just love relationship problems but also friendship problems. I can never keep a friendship going for much long and if I do they always eventually loses it's touch. I hurt people just to see if they really care and for the attention.
32. I know I'm suppose to be over you. But it still hurts whenever I hear people mention your name.
33. I hate you dad for not being a dad, and worst of all I hate myself for not being able to tell you I hate you.
34. I feel so beautiful when I put on my make-up and look in the mirror. But when I see pictures taken of myself, I am utterly disgusted. I don't know what else I can do. I'm not happy with who I am.
35. I hate my life and everyone in it. I try not to but I cant help it. I hate it all.
36. I believe that you love me, but I also believe that you love yourself more. You don't know anything about sacrifice, and you never will. However, I am prepared to sacrifice you so I can get on with my life. With someone more deserving.
37. my best friend accuses me of being prettier than her. i tell her shes crazy but i know its true.
38. Everyone thinks I am the good girl, the role model, someone to depend on and trust. I want nothing more than to get drunk, high, and have reckless sex with every hot guy I meet. And I know better. I know the danger of turning down that path, but that danger calls me. I want to disappoint people so they'll have to be concerned about me.
39. I want to go back to before I met you. I was content being on my own. Now, I feel like I can never love anyone else if the opportunity arouse.
40. I dont understand why you're mad at me for not saying bye.
41. I am shy. He is shy. I will never get a boyfriend because I am shy and the guys I like tend to be shy. This sucks.
42. I'm in love with an actor. He is gorgeous. And I long to be with him.
43. i can't stand how you treat yourself! you are so overweight and so unhealthy, but all you do is make excuses!
44. I'm smart, I get good grades, i'm good friend, people come to me for advice, I'm mature, talented, and beautiful but when I'm around you none of it seems to matter; I'm could never compete with you
45. I'm tired of looking at my recent calls and realize no one ever calls me
46. I masturbate to lesbian porn because straight porn is too fake.
47. i'm dying to be touched, to be held, to be kissed, to be ravished, to be loved, and i know that with the way things look it won't happen for a while. sometimes i wish some random guy would have his way with me.
48. It's been almost three years since we stopped talking and I still miss you. I wish things could have gone down differently.
49. you were the one i wanted, i just didn't think you wanted me. it's too late now. timing is shit, you know?
50. i wake up every morning and cry into my pillow. i miss you more than you could ever imagine.
51. i am the cute, innocent very shy girl in class that doesn't talk to anyone who goes home, watches porn and masturbates for hours & whenever she is alone
52. I'm lucky to have a dad who loves me no matter what, after everything I've put him through. He just wants me to be happy. But that's the one thing I just can't do.
53. because of you i broke every promise i ever made to myself. not to smoke, not to drink, not to do pot. and i did it all just because you did.
54. I fell in love with a guy on the internet. He wants to meet me, but I'm afraid he won't love me because I'm fat. I feel like I'll be letting him down if he finds out.
55. I tell everyone you didn't hurt me as bad as you really did. I'll never forget how much you hurt me, even if it seems like a lot less than i talk it up to be. It DID damage me, more than you'll ever know. As much as I say I hate you, I'll always love you more than anything.
56. I love him. I think. But I dunno if I even know what love is. But this is by far the closest I've come to love.
57. I am so heartbroken I can hardly breathe. I know that this is the right thing for both of us but I can't help but feel totally and completely at a loss.
58. i broke up with my boyfriend and i hated him so much that i slept with his former friend just to get back at him. even though he has no idea, it feels good.
59. I'm sorry I let my curiosity get the best of me and let my morals slip.
60. I was once told that we all have a cross to bare, and we all learn to deal with it. If that's so, why is mine so heavy and out weighs me, yet yours is so easy to hide?
61. Every night, whether it was a good day or a bad day, I think death, and how people would react if I were to die. It helps me try to live a good life.
62. We were close friends and I could tell them about anything. Than this person came along and somewhat stole them. I feel like I have no true best friend anymore.
63. only 90s trashy techno makes my heart slow down when im so angry with you
64. I truly hate people who can't accept gay people.
65. You tell me you can't live without me and you would kill yourself if you had too, and sometimes I hope you do cause the pain you caused me physically, emotionally and mentally is too much for me.
66. I'm scared that you're dying because you don't eat but I don't know what to do about it and I don't want to be yet another person who tells you you're too skinny so I pretend like I think you're okay.
67. I used to wait outside the hospital, and rob old people with cancer for their medical marijuana. I was desperate, but now I feel terrible.
68. I desperately want to be thin and attractive. Everyone tells me that I am not fat and that I look great just the way I am. To be happy with myself. But, I can't. I look into the mirror and the only thing that stares back at me is a depressing image of hideousness and obesity.
69. Everyday I pray to god that I'll become anorexic
70. I tell all my friends and family that life is okay, and that everything happens for a reason; but I feel so lost and alone. I hate myself and cannot stand my life.
71. It's so awesome when I find people who just get me. I wish that they would stay forever.
72. I hate male bashing women but hate the men that give em reasons to bash even more
73. When my boyfriend puts me down and makes me feel bad about myself, I secretly dip his toothbrush in the toilet.
74. We adopted a dog who had been badly abused. The day we bought her we took her to the store and bought her a little stuffed toy. Now, almost a year later she has more toys than any dog would ever need but still every night when she jumps in bed with my husband and I, she brings that same first toy. For whatever reason I think it is the sweetest thing ever.
75. Every night I wish I'd never been born. I don't wish to die though because it'd hurt my family. If I was never even created though, it wouldn't matter
76. Sometimes school makes me so nervous that even the littlest thing makes me break down and cry and I get so worried that I will do something wrong that I end up crying.
77. I try to find and link everything to sex, I can't help myself.
78. I love old school things! Like nintendo. I hate what this world has become. I miss the old, simpler days.
79. I talk to myself ALL the time. When I'm alone sometimes when I'm not. Sometimes I pretend I'm on a talk show being interviewed or that I'm discussing some amazing piece of art or a movie I just saw. I practice conversations and voicemails that I will do later. I'm completely aware of it and I love doing it!

80. I love crying. I love being emotional. I love things that capture my emotion and move me so much to the point where I just burst out in tears.
81. Each and everyday I love you more than I ever thought possible. And it scares me!!
82. I'm a girl, and I look at other girls butts. Not because I'm a lesbian.. but to see how expensive their jeans are.
83. I was just really nice to a telemarketer. I never have time or patience to deal with them, but I decided this once to be friendly and I could hear a difference in her voice after she realized I wasn't going to yell at her for interrupting my day. I feel great knowing that I just made her day a little easier and a little less stressful :)
84. He's the only person I ever met who makes me feel like I might be enough the way I am. I never thought I mattered before.
85. Sometimes, when I see a cute guy, I say to myself in my head how good he looks, etc. And I'm afraid that he can read my mind so I say in my head, "stop reading my mind", just in case.
86. Sometimes I sit and draw people who are sitting alone and put the picture someplace I know they will most likely find it.
87. When he left for Iraq he said he loved me but he couldn't be with me because "I know you would cheat on me" How could I have loved someone with such little faith in me?
88. I'm hurting inside, because I feel like I not wanted and that I'm taken as a joke. When will I find someone that will love me like I should be loved?
89. I was wrong. You were wrong. Why can't we ever get it right?
90. I often think about death, and imagine getting into a horrible car accident, just to see what it feels like to be seriously injured.
91. Everyone thought my art teacher was a creeper but really he was just interested in a lot of things and getting to know people. I miss him... he was more like my dad than my dad ever was.
92. Some secrets are so sad, they make me tear up!
93. I hate myself for it, but I love him. I know he likes me too, but were both too cowardly to do anything about it. I wish everything could change so we could love together.
94. mom, it really scares me when youre angry. i know you dont like to talk about it afterward, i dont either, but it doesnt mean it never happened.
95. i live my life according to how i want to be talked about when i die
96. I used to spend a lot of money on food I craved, and then secretly I would give it away to different friends. They thought I was generous, but I was just keeping from binging by imagining my friends getting fat
97. I wish I could find someone who could deal with my problems the way I can with everyone else's instead of being used for others' betterment and left alone once I have problems.
98. Every single time I do or say something I feel like I've just made another mistake.
99. i cry when i watch titanic, not because its sad. because i know that kind of magic love will never happen to me.
100. I tell people I'm out or make up something, so they don't know I spent another day alone in my house

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHAN!!

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2009-10-11 10:04:05 2009-10-11 14:04:05 open Publish post 714286721
I was thinking about you in the shower... SaturdayCartoon Sat, 10 Oct 2009 13:46:32 -04:00

 

I know that everyone takes that sexually but i think about alot of people while showering. Its actually a great place to think bc no ones gonna come and bother you when you're in the shower!

But today, i was thinking about sex (ohh la la! a post about sex whoo!!)

My first time sucked.  I've never even talked about it. I was scared out of my fucking mind. It wasn't his fault at all and I'm still with him. I almost cried. I thought about every possible thing i could other than sex. I thought about Opra, i thought about Snuggies, i thought about Twitter.

After...

I felt totally violated. i felt weird. like nothing i did or had belonged to me. I obviously wasn't ready. I didn't want to talk to him, see him, be around him or his friends.

Whats worse, is everyone knew. Right after, Curtis came in. He thought i didn't see but i did. and i don't care, of course ur gonna tell ur friends. But everyone congragates on mason's front steps, or did before he moved. And everyone found out. I had people coming up to me all day talking about me having sex. Thats embarassing ontop of everything i was feeling at the time.

Some of my friends hate people knowing who they've slept with or that they've even had sex. They choose not to tell people and let them know. I didn't have a choice. If it hadn't been my first time i probably wouldn't have cared that much but it was, and thats personal.

I have no privacy in any aspect of my life. People are constantly walking in on me durring whatever im doing (and trust me, i do mean whatever) . But no one walks in on someone in the shower =]

Bokeh Wide Open Pictures, Images and Photos

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2009-10-10 13:45:33 2009-10-10 17:45:33 open Publish post 714236431
OH being grounded... SaturdayCartoon Fri, 09 Oct 2009 19:32:30 -04:00

bob marley Pictures, Images and Photos

 

It sucks. I do deserve it however. I will accept defeat when it is appropriate, although when dragged out and abused, certain action have to be used. Thankfully it has not come to that... yet.

Why i deserve to be grounded:

I'm failing 2 classes. Its my own fault. I just didn't give a fuck for a few weeks.

I lied.

I lied about more than you know.

I don't respect you.

Why I'm fighting this:

I am belligerent

You are an asshole and you want to have control over me

I have a problem with being controlled

I am stubborn

You, my dear reader, can draw your own conclusions for this situation. However, let me just say that at the moment i am confined to my basement because my parents are having "a talk" upstairs. Furthermore, i am quite certain that other than a chilling draft coming from the window that broke down here some years ago, that there is definitely some living thing under this pile of Christmas decorations next to me that wants me badly harmed, if not dead. So, take that into consideration.

If i play my cards right I will be able to go to Mason's party tomorrow. I have faith. I'm a smart kid (despite the fact that I'm failing 2 classes)

Bob Marley Pictures, Images and Photos

What I'm doing to correct the Situations at Hand:

I'm studying

I'm going for extra help

I'm kissing ass

I am trying to keep the demon under the Christmas decorations happy by sacrificing the box of week old Special K i found next to the computer

I'm going above and beyond my school work

I am trying to be nice to my dad... really. trying.

I am remaining positive.

For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic.

I'm blue aba de aba die aba di aba die

Other Decisions I've made while being grounded:

I am going to write a book

I have a temper when it comes to him

I am a hippi

I am going to paint my coil pot rainbow colors

I'm glad i stopped smoking

I like my hair better when its darker

Having red hair is too much of a pain in the ass

Bob Marley was a brilliant man

I do not want to end up hating my dad

Special K is an effective way to subdue demons

Peace Pictures, Images and Photos

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2009-10-09 19:23:36 2009-10-09 23:23:36 open Publish post 714182754 aww :( i'm sorry, that sucks

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1 2009-10-09 21:21:00 2009-10-10 01:21:00 unreasonabledesires bounce@xanga.com http://unreasonabledesires.xanga.com/ 0 36554312 0 1501082593
I'm not saying anything but... SaturdayCartoon Thu, 08 Oct 2009 22:03:03 -04:00 Holga my swingset Pictures, Images and Photos

 If you know who i am, you know who i am.

I have a good feeling about from here on out for awhile. Not that its all going to be good, not that its going to be easy, or perfect, just slightly better than it has been.

I want to be better than i am

But i'm NOT pregnant. and thank the heavens for that =]

I talk about myself too much.

You talk to yourself more than anyone else in the world.

I really want to write a book. i've been thinking about it more and more.

 I love you all,

Hugs and sprinkles!

"I don't want this to sound weird, and i know it will anyway, but... you're really easy to love."

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2009-10-08 22:00:06 2009-10-09 02:00:06 open Publish post 714119020 'hugs and sprinkles' :D

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1 2009-10-08 22:07:00 2009-10-09 02:07:00 greenbird321 bounce@xanga.com http://greenbird321.xanga.com/ 0 35197556 0 1501016622
I know you missed me! SaturdayCartoon Tue, 06 Oct 2009 22:09:36 -04:00 liddlekiddies Pictures, Images and Photos

no one really reads this tho... so i guess

I really missed me?

Yea...

so i'll bring you up to speed.

I have a boyfriend. I actually trust him too, fancy that!

K's drinking has spiraled... We're all really worried. I love him too much to let anything happen to him. But were only teenagers. Sometimes life is too much for us to handle. I don't know what to do.

Oh. I think im pregnant. Thats always an exciting twist to add.

Ears in 6 weeks. Fuck fingernails Juno, how could anyone kill something with ears?

How can someone be pro- choice and a vegetarian?

I'm a hypocrite in every sense of the word.

I've decided that i ama closet slut.

I dont like myself all that much right now.

I love my friends more than anything in the world and i wish i could help them as much as they help me. I'm to selfish, and i'll say it again, i don't deserve them.

I wish my parents listened to me. I wish i could trust them.

If anyone out there is reading this and would like to shoot out some advice.... your words are more than welcome.

I'm afraid. I'm scared. this is new for me. I don't know how to handle being afraid.

I am so selfish.

I dont like myself all that much right now.

only love stops hate Pictures, Images and Photos

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2009-10-06 22:03:50 2009-10-07 02:03:50 open Publish post 713981370
Just when i thought TV couldn't get anymore fake, It got real SaturdayCartoon Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:39:23 -04:00

The reality of these situations hit me at about 5 o'clock this morning.

My mom has a drinking problem.

My Best Friend is suicidal.

My other best friend was raped.

2 of my friends are addicted to SI and drink to 'ease the pain'

Yesterday one of my friends went to rehab.

Another's back in rehab.

Another's under house arrest for stealing a car.

One's always depressed because she ran out of anti-depressants.

One's parent's him out of his house and now he's sleeping on random couches because he can't call his parents because our other friend had his phone and was mugged.

Ones making up rumors about sleeping with guys.

My Ex-Turned Best friend only talks to me anymore when his new girlfriend's out of town.

I'm running out of stable people to lean on.

My headaches are coming back,

I feel like a mom right now, I'm only this confident for everyone else.         

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2009-08-07 18:34:20 2009-08-07 22:34:20 open Publish post 709200325 coventry friends life love
Fucked' SaturdayCartoon Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:40:16 -04:00 " style=" border-width: 0px;" alt="" /> ┬╖         I DONT HAVE IT THAT BAD

i want to forget. Everything. It wouldn't be that bad. just start new.

Drugs make me depressed and sick.

I need to stop thinking about myslef. I met so many people today that actually seemed like they wanted to be around me. But they more likely wanted to be around my friends.  I'm to jealous of a person and i dont deserve the friends i have because they're so amazing.

I wish i had the guts to help Rachie.

if one of my friends were to wonder onto this site they would know it was in in a second...

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2009-08-03 23:42:00 2009-08-04 03:42:00 open Publish post 708864922
Some days i get Crazed SaturdayCartoon Mon, 03 Aug 2009 11:01:07 -04:00 i 001

Sean was in my dream last night again which was weird.... i don't remember what it was about anymore but i know he was like a main character

Last night was kinda awesome, i just loved hanging out with new people, looking at stars. I wish i could have let Curtis sleep at my house but honestly I'm lucky i get to sleep at my house right now haha But i guess Abbey's parents found him so idk how thats gonna go...

And i fixed my baby, Kusco (its a guitar) i gave up on him quite a few years ago when my friend broke all the strings and i was too pissed off to fix it, then the nut broke and it all went to hell but my next guitar,Garfield (like the president, not the cat, i hate the cat) just didn't feel right. I guess he was appropriately named bc the guitar, like the person didn't really do anything to piss anyone off but as a result didn't really do anything at all...

A few nights ago i had a very vivid dream about sledding with Zac then i started walking home or i guess to school but i was in florida or somethig and there was a helicopter crash and it ran into a tree an there was some random guy in it, good looking, older but not old maybe like mid 30's, he was okay and he got out and was walking around and talking to me and how he was glad i was safe. It crashed right on top of where i had been standing but i ran into a house where one of the campers from FAC was.... everyone was very friendly Theres never any dialogue in my dreams but theres a LOT of color. The picture of the hill we were sledding on and the image of the helicopter in the tree in the middle of the dirt road and the red sky and shadows behind it... it was like a movie

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2009-08-03 11:00:26 2009-08-03 15:00:26 open Publish post 708822958 crash dreams last night life sean zac
SaturdayCartoon Sun, 02 Aug 2009 14:42:04 -04:00 And the Academy says hold on don't wait

To the world you might be dead tomorrow

And no they won't care

So let it show before it cracks from sorrow

Don't mind the broken side walk, you're mother will still be proud

And God knows we all mean welll

Well, most of us

Meaning that most of us are probably lying to ourselves

  theres a reason models are skinny

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2009-08-02 14:41:24 2009-08-02 18:41:24 open Publish post 708763337
The day i meet some one who has truely grown up will be the day i stop believing in the world SaturdayCartoon Sun, 02 Aug 2009 14:35:45 -04:00 loqaciouskbanners26.jpg picture by kaywallentimetravel.jpg
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2009-08-02 14:35:04 2009-08-02 18:35:04 open Publish post 708762977 believe life world
Never written a love song SaturdayCartoon Sat, 01 Aug 2009 09:57:48 -04:00

I had a dream last night that sean came with me to pick up my dad from the bar at 3 a.m. and he saw just how fucked up my family is. It was so real, i half expected to wake up on k's porch with a hangover. But i was in my own bed and my parents didn't get back till 5, so it was really just a dream. or nightmare. Whatever u wish.

I'm not sure why, because as a person, I am quickly and once again, unraveling, but I have this feeling that I'm gonna pull off this year unbelieveable well and that It's just goin to be awesome. I hope so.

I'm feeling Indie today. Maybe I'll wear my striped sweater and some spats! haha i wish i had spats!

And i think im gonna write a song today. It needs to stop raining here, the worms are drowning.

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2009-08-01 09:57:08 2009-08-01 13:57:08 open Publish post 708661154 family summer Tai
Honest Lyrics SaturdayCartoon Fri, 31 Jul 2009 01:30:06 -04:00 Tripping into the after life of life over you

With unfounded feelings that I've let them down somehow

I'm not brand new, but I'm trying to release it all

I can't live with you

Tell me, is this all we knew?

 

I've got a little bit of sanity

But my world is not reality

I know you're scared, I'm well aware

There's evidence, but i refuse to believe what's true

 

There might be more but i don't really even like this

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2009-07-31 01:29:25 2009-07-31 05:29:25 open Publish post 708552645
Secrets SaturdayCartoon Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:45:57 -04:00 This is my "Secret Xanga" so i suppose i'll let go of some secrets

i still want to cut, i just hold back but my selfcontrol is weakening

i used to lie alot, but i'm becoming more honest. To my friends at least. To my parents, well, i am nothing like the girl they think i am. And i do feel bad about it.

Sometimes i hate my sister, not like family hate, but hate-hate, because she is almost everything I've ever wanted to be and almost everything i have given up on

I am an angry, depressed person. But i've gotten so good at pretending to be happy, and bubbly, and easy going, sometimes i fool myself.

I think terrible things about people, it doesn't even make me feel better about myself.

It's hard for me to love because I know It will hurt so bad in the end and I am afraid to go into another depression

I always need to win, even if it makes me miserable

Your heart deserves your trust
A choice made by all of us
The sun will come back tomorrow
There's a message in the bottle
So come on I'll meet you there
There's enough sunshine to share
As long as you know
The bridge between us is a rainbow

I am terrified of growing up

I usually just don't give a fuck about anything because i don't think i have any control over situations

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2009-07-27 20:58:13 2009-07-28 00:58:13 open Publish post 708292548 secrets
She whispers something in my ear, the message is unclear SaturdayCartoon Thu, 23 Jul 2009 17:47:36 -04:00 I'm still frustrated from last night
Things happened at half-time, I'm sick of the bends
My panic research was no help
I sink into myself
Afraid of the fall that never ends
I wait, but I'm too tired to play pretend
I suffocate until the end No time for halfhearted goodbyes,
I turn on the spotlight and flee from the scene
Cheap flights from Paris to Bangkok, I thought it was nonstop
Can't sleep on the KLM again
I haunt the halls of medicine at night
Choking back the urge to fight

Last Night, was a lot of fun. This morning, not so much. I started hating myslef around 3:30-4 a.m.

We all got so wasted, abs passed out so early, woke up 4 hours later, still drunk.

Meanwhile...

Sean (who i met yesterday and kept wanting to call Zac), K (who's gay and is 'in love' with sean, who is indead staight) and I to finish the vodka and well...

I kissed abs and sean. And sean some more...

I feel so bad for doing that to k. I dont know sean, i dont like him, he wears a chiodos hoodie all the time and its WAY too small for him. He's a musician tho. But i still can't fucking believe i did that. It's one of those nights where you wake up and hate yourself in the morning. I hope it never happens again.

I need a boy friend. I haven't had one since Zac, just random hookups with guys i dont really know....

But I'm not a slut. Really. I'm the only virgin out of all of my friends. I'm a juinor and I've never been past 2nd base.

Is it bad that I've always kind of immagined loosing it to someone i dont know? Just gets past all the embarassing awkawardness and not needing to see them again. I really don't see why sex is such a big deal.

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2009-07-23 17:46:56 2009-07-23 21:46:56 open Publish post 707971864 wasted
SaturdayCartoon Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:18:23 -04:00  

And no one ever knew how far all this would go

But someone had to know, just how far she'd go

Lips so tight, no one else would ever know

The wrong things always feel the best

 

Kisses his daughter, blackberry close at hand

 

 

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2009-07-22 17:13:43 2009-07-22 21:13:43 open Private post 707889359
Looking up at the planes that arn't there anymore SaturdayCartoon Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:54:33 -04:00 Some nights, I just feel like dying

Because I'm so ready for a big adventure.

I miss my bubbly-ness

It'll come back, It likes to leave whenever i start missing things.

I spent some time looking in the mirror today and i realized that my eyes were disappointed. That fucking sucks.

Him: you're so sweet, and bright, and at the same time theres aspects of you that seem tired, hurt, quiet, reserved, and then you're also real, deep, unashamed to be you, understanding, and such. its like... everyones a spectrum

 

Her: maybe its just part of being a teenager too

 

Him: i guess

Her: like were stuck bettween a kid and an adult and we dont know what we want or how to deal but we try our hardest but none of us know what were doing and we just turn out to be so complicated

 

but im a bitch, im hardly ever sweet, and im dark a lot of the time. I'm not so reserved i dont think.

Why isthere an N at the end of Damn?

I opened my eyes last night and saw you in the low light
Walking down by the bay, on the shore, staring up at the planes that arent there anymore
I was feeling the night grow old and you were looking so cold
Like an introvert, I drew my over shirt
Around my arms and began to shiver violently before
You happened to look and see the tunnels all around me
Running into the dark underground
All the subways around create a great sound
To my motion fatigue: farewell
With your ear to a seashell
You can hear the waves in underwater caves
As if you actually were inside a saltwater room

 

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2009-07-19 02:53:53 2009-07-19 06:53:53 open Publish post 707579555 die her him life love
Places to Go Before I Die SaturdayCartoon Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:42:12 -04:00 Pompelli

Whisky A GO GO (LA)

Paris

New York City

New Mexico

New Orleans

Africa

This List will grow

 

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2009-07-17 23:41:32 2009-07-18 03:41:32 open Publish post 707493503 before die i love
STORY IN PROGRESS SaturdayCartoon Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:02:39 -04:00 Jude O'Hare woke up at her family's lake house on June 10th with a hangover.

Jude- Bleached out hair-cut short

Sophie-

 

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2009-07-17 23:01:58 2009-07-18 03:01:58 open Private post 707491643
Hi, I'm B. SaturdayCartoon Thu, 16 Jul 2009 17:53:14 -04:00 PA1 Pictures, Images and Photos

I pierced my own ears 5 times

I dye my own hair. Currently it's Blue, Pink, Blonde, and red-ish/brown.

I go on crash diets periodically

I used to smoke pot but i got bored with it

I like drinking to get drunk

I got to an all girls catholic school

I want to go into music journalism

Start my own magazine

Go to Italy,Pompelli.

Loose 20 pounds

Get a boyfriend

Make new friends

I made 1000 dollars last week

I started wearing a rediculous ammount of bracelets to cover up my scars, now i just like wearing them, and all they're hiding is pale skin.

I love the Blues Brothers, Kings of Leon, Black Eyed Peas, Brittney Spears, The Shins, Bishop Allen, life.

I like Lucky Charms and Honey Nut Cherrios. Red Kool-Aid. Sweedish Fish. Vitaballs.

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2009-07-16 17:43:09 2009-07-16 21:43:09 open Publish post 707403255 girl life me music pop writing
And I Guess I am Blessed SaturdayCartoon Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:54:10 -04:00 I wont be famous.

I am not ambitious.

I wonder, what would have happened if She hadn't saved me last year.

What would i have missed?

My cousin's tumor coming back

Falling in love (but was that really worth it?)

Meeting friends whom, honestly, probably wont stick around

Spicy Tuesdays

Im not suicidal, at the risk of sounding completely pathetic, i've given up on suicide.

Not worth it. To much to deal with.

I wonder how my life would change if i stopped eating and wearing make-up.

I'm all about pushing this envelope. =]

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2009-07-15 23:53:32 2009-07-16 03:53:32 open Publish post 707332095 change die joker life smile wha
If I disappear will I be missed? SaturdayCartoon Tue, 14 Jul 2009 11:07:12 -04:00  

When I Hear...

 

Chasing Cars i think of laying in the Parking Lot of my gradeschool at 9 p.m. thinking about him and if it was over or if it was just beginning. If it was really worth it, if he was really worth it. And thinking that i wasn't ready to give up yet. It also reminds me of that text message he sent me telling me why t he song ment so much to him.

chasing cars Pictures, Images and Photos

It had to be you i wonder if you realized that our song was really a break up song, that it really described our relationship after we broke up so much more than it ever did when we were "together"

you had me Pictures, Images and Photos

This is for real i think about how i really wanted this to be our song. But it dosen't bother me anymore.

Heart Pictures, Images and Photos

Little Miss Magic I usually cry because it makes me think of the relationship my dad and i used to have and the relationship thats slowly mending.

little miss magic Pictures, Images and Photos

Drops Of Jupiter i think of Tom, I'm not really sure why but i kinda like it.

drops of jupiter Pictures, Images and Photos

Spaceman i remember how it blew out my speaker and got me grounded and how you said it was your favroite, even though i wish i didn't. I think it made me love the song more....

ace spaceman brcm Pictures, Images and Photos

I got a feeling it makes me want to live more and try new things.

Feeling Better and I got a new toy! Pictures, Images and Photos

Read My Mind i wish we had had more time together. How  you looked at me and just new that i was slightly fucked and how i was pretty sure you were okay with it. It just worked for however short of a time we were together.

Read my mind Pictures, Images and Photos

Maggie May i realize how much i love my mom and how much i would miss her if she left.

maggie may Pictures, Images and Photos

Tipsy i think about how much fun i have with my brother.

tipsy silly Pictures, Images and Photos

Lucky i think about the music video Holly and i attempted to make for it when we were little.

Lucky Lucky Lucky Lucky Strikeeee! Pictures, Images and Photos

 

I can't get no satisfaction i think about arguing with Pete when i was 7 because i thought it was by Brittney Spears and i was wrong... and for some reason Burger King.

I cant get no satisfaction! Ios Bar Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm like a Lawyer with the way I'm always trying to get You off i think of how fucked up we where 8th grade year... and how i do miss you and that no one replaced you so you can come back whenever you feel like it.

im like a lawyer Pictures, Images and Photos

i just ate the best blackberry that the world has ever created.

 

 

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2009-07-14 00:24:24 2009-07-14 04:24:24 open Publish post 707164628 black berries burger okay songs the bravery
I regarded the world as such a sad sight SaturdayCartoon Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:58:33 -04:00

Funny Icon Pictures, Images and PhotosDear Jamie I've got a letter I would like to send
It's lacking strings of words with punctuation at the end.
Should I trust this dialect?
To convey the right effect?                 

funny icons Pictures, Images and PhotosIf I could I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you to where this all began
We could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind
And make believe there's something left to findoverdose Pictures, Images and PhotosI regarded the world as such a sad sight
Until I viewed it in black and white
Then I reviewed every frame and basic shape
And sealed the exits with caution tape
Dont refocus your eyes in the darkness
And dont remember this place unless
I describe all the things that you cannot see
And well unravel the mystery

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2009-07-13 00:57:53 2009-07-13 04:57:53 open Publish post 707080826
fUCK SaturdayCartoon Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:18:42 -04:00 i just realized that I'm really fat.

Like i always knew i was on the chunky side but i just saw a picture and i am down right fucking fat. SHIT!

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2009-07-13 00:18:01 2009-07-13 04:18:01 open Publish post 707078613
Maybe I should say Offensive things.... SaturdayCartoon Sat, 25 Jul 2009 16:29:50 -04:00 Are you gay, or do you just want the attention?

Most fat people are fat due to their own doing, so it's their own fault if they get made fun of.

You're not hard core even if its 100 degrees and you're wearing a hoodie and you shoes look like colourful marshmallows.

Ur not really Bisexual are you? You just really like Sex.

 

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2009-07-12 16:55:38 2009-07-12 20:55:38 open Private post 707064143 im tired Offensive oh well ow spicy taco
SaturdayCartoon Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:36:45 -04:00 2009-07-12 16:36:45 2009-07-12 20:36:45 open Publish post 707063652 1 2009-07-12 16:37:00 2009-07-12 20:37:00 TheXangaTeam bounce@xanga.com http://thexangateam.xanga.com/ 0 9590 0 1493169065

SaturdayCartoon's Xanga Blog 1.1 36322319 SaturdayCartoon's Xanga Site saturdaycartoon poprks7coke@Aol.com SaturdayCartoon SaturdayCartoon poprks7coke@Aol.com Wed, 21 Apr 2010 01:04:15 -04:00 2010-04-20 21:04:15 2010-04-21 01:04:15 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Fri, 26 Feb 2010 01:42:34 -05:00 2010-02-25 21:42:34 2010-02-26 01:42:34 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Sun, 13 Dec 2009 15:53:19 -05:00 2009-12-13 11:53:19 2009-12-13 15:53:19 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Thu, 03 Dec 2009 02:26:08 -05:00 2009-12-02 22:26:08 2009-12-03 02:26:08 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:56:32 -05:00 2009-11-05 07:56:32 2009-11-05 11:56:32 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:00:00 -04:00 2009-10-22 08:00:00 2009-10-22 12:00:00 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:47:13 -04:00 2009-10-12 18:47:13 2009-10-12 22:47:13 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Sun, 11 Oct 2009 16:31:27 -04:00 2009-10-11 12:31:27 2009-10-11 16:31:27 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Sun, 11 Oct 2009 13:37:00 -04:00 2009-10-11 09:37:00 2009-10-11 13:37:00 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Fri, 09 Oct 2009 02:17:15 -04:00 2009-10-08 22:17:15 2009-10-09 02:17:15 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Sat, 01 Aug 2009 04:18:12 -04:00 2009-08-01 00:18:12 2009-08-01 04:18:12 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Mon, 27 Jul 2009 14:02:09 -04:00 2009-07-27 10:02:09 2009-07-27 14:02:09 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Sat, 25 Jul 2009 20:24:35 -04:00 2009-07-25 16:24:35 2009-07-25 20:24:35 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:35:40 -04:00 2009-07-16 17:35:40 2009-07-16 21:35:40 open Private post SaturdayCartoon pulse